It’s Friday and TGIF!!! This has been a very long week. By Wednesday it felt like Groundhog’s Day, the movie. Have you ever seen that one? It stars Bill Murray and he keeps living the same day over and over and over again. I seriously was ready to leave the theater when I saw it eons ago.
So honestly I can’t say my week was that bad, but I am thankful the weekend is finally here and in 3 more hours I will be free from the desk that brings the paycheck and free to do the grocery shopping, errand running and wear the hat of mommy.
By this time most weeks I am exhausted and today feels no different. I’m already on my second cup of coffee and enjoyed an almond croissant, from the best bakery in Napa, in my opinion.
Now I raise my mug to Friday, may you come ever so quickly next week, and to all those still at their desk until the sun is setting…keep faith, have hope…tomorrow is SATURDAY!!!!
How do I approach this subject? With the reality that we will all die someday? Or that we should live life to the fullest, enjoying every moment we have?
I have never handled death well. I was 7-years old when my step-grandfather passed away. That was my first experience, in my mind. He lived 3 hours away with my grandma and while I knew him, I was not close to him. Both my father’s parents are still alive and while they were my favorite people when I was young I have seen them change and with the years come the frailty and reality that they have lived a good life and death is the next step. I don’t want to sound harsh, but they are 86 and 92 years old and truly have had fulfilled lives.
Yesterday I was shocked to learn that a girl I knew as a child, now a woman around my age died last week, suddenly and without warning. She was a wife, a mother, a daughter and many other things. I have been reading the outpouring of love this community had for her and how involved she has been over the years. It saddens me and scares me at the same time. She leaves behind her parents, older sister, husband and three children. The youngest is only 21 months and reminds me that even my life has a limit and makes me cherish my daughters, husband and family even more.
I can only pray her family finds peace through this, although everyone will probably grieve in their own ways. My heart breaks for her husband who has lost the love of his life and her children who will grow up without their mother. Why do bad things happen to good people? I wish I knew.
Do you ever wake up in the morning and think to yourself today is going to be a GREAT day? I would like to say I take that approach daily, but let’s be honest…I don’t.
This morning I met with the psychologist and resource teacher at my oldest daughter’s school. I knew the premise of the meeting was to discuss her talking about her birth mom, but then I showed up and got the rest of the story.
Let me back up for a moment…I adopted my oldest daughter when she was 2 years old. She lived with my mom as an infant and came to my house directly from there. She never met her birth mom and we don’t know who her birth father is. My youngest sister is also adopted and recently met a birth sister and brother. This all happened the same weekend we went to San Francisco, where my daughter was born and my sister was meeting her birth family for the first time. This is the same weekend my daughter started asking me the questions I knew would come eventually.
This brings us to the meeting today. Within the last 2 weeks my daughter was asked to write a sentence using words from the board at school. Her word was “sad”. She wrote she was “sad when one mom gave her away to another mom”. This breaks my heart. It was all in context for me but the day those questions and comments start being said my reality breaks into the heartache I feel for my daughter.
I see her hurt when I explain to her that her birth mom couldn’t take care of her because she couldn’t even take care of herself. The tears that rolled down her face as we had this conversation and my heart broke with my daughter. No one says being a parent is going to be easy, and this has been one of those months when life takes us by the strings and whips us around to see where we will land.
I will continue to love my daughter unconditionally and answer any and all questions that I can, while reassuring her that her father and I love her and we chose her to be our daughter.
…when you’re having fun??? Sure, if you say so. I can’t believe it’s been almost a year since my last post. I love to write and yet finding time for anything is hard to do.
My youngest is now 16 months and exhausting. She is the busiest little girl I have ever met and I’ve met a lot. I have recently said if my oldest had been as busy as my youngest I might have thought twice about another child. Phew!
I keep telling myself it will get better. That we are in the midst of one of the hardest ages to deal with, but who am I fooling? I have no idea what the teen years will bring.
I have 2 extremely strong-willed daughters. They are each strong-willed in their own way, but strong-willed none-the-less. Lord help me now develop the patience I will need in the future.
That’s all for now…I have stuff to do…kids to catch…and a family to love!