We are Not as Strong…

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We are frail, we are fearfully and wonderfully made
Forged in the fires of human passion
Choking on the fumes of selfish rage
And with these our hells and our heavens
So few inches apart
We must be awfully small
And not as strong as we think we are

-Rich Mullins

There are days I can’t get this song out of my head. The frailty of life is an idea I find myself pondering over, and yet I feel invincible most days.

I have always felt invincible. Even as a child with many, many health needs I never considered not being here a possibility. I was alive. I was kicking. And I wasn’t going anywhere. Even now, as I approach 40 in the coming years I do not grasp the frailty of life as it applies to me.

My mother was sick last year. We thought we were losing her. It was scary and it was real. Yet, she’s still with us today and doing better than doctors can believe. She’s defying the odds of her own frailty. Through it all she was not afraid. She knows her eternity lies with God, the maker of heaven and earth. And I know this too.

I was afraid of death for many years. Afraid of my own death, even though I never thought I would die. It’s a strange paradox, I know. I have seen people, young and old succumb to life through illness, accident and age. Did they think they were invincible too?

Being fearfully and wonderfully made. How amazing! Psalm 139:14 tells us, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” God made me. God made you. How then can we deny the amazing acts He shows us through his daily grace and mercy?

So fearfully and wonderfully made,
How could they say there is no God?
Reminded every breath that I take,
I’s by Your hand I have been formed
So what am I going to do with this life You gave me?

-Matt Redman

Here we are again reminded we are fearfully and wonderfully made. This song is a great reminder that everything we have comes from God. Every breath; our very lives. “Let every breath that I’m breathing display you God.” YES!!!

How do I allow everything I am be a reflection of God? How do I give myself completely to His calling?

I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a co-worker. How do I find the balance between my earthly responsibilities and my obedience to God? Most days I can’t say I am succeeding in this journey. I struggle with impatience, frustration and anger. I tell myself I’m only human. But yet I continue. I am aware of it, yet I either choose to ignore God’s call on my life or allow my humanity dictate my words and actions.

I have often imagined the path my life would take, and Lord knows it hasn’t taken the first imagined plan. I would be married to my high school sweetheart and be a stay-at-home-mom. Fast forward a few years and I would have been a missionary in Africa. Then came what I call real-life. I didn’t have a high school sweetheart and I had medical conditions I felt were excluding me from the mission field. Some may call these excuses.

I started college and then moved back home. I started working a job I liked, received another degree and then stayed there 15 years. There were days it seemed like an eternity and others where it seemed they had flown by and I questioned why I hadn’t done more.

Now I am working part-time as a marketer at a church. I had this moment of being hired that I felt all these pieces fall into place to put me at this moment in my life. Working for the church I equated with being called by God. But reality always rears its head and I have to decide if my fear of the next chapter in my life is reality or Satan telling me I can’t keep doing this?

I pray. I pray and I remember that God has put me here for a reason. It may be for another 38 years. Maybe more. Maybe less. But what am I going to do with this life HE gave me?

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